20 Best Funny Quotes or Jokes


Below are few funny quotes

1. #WhatsApp should have a “Is online & staring at your profile right now” notification.

2. A small girl looks at his brother’s Girlfriend and asks innocently
‘Everyday you come to meet my brother, don’t you have your own brother?

3. When Parents care, it’s called Restriction.
but, When Girlfriend Restricts, it’s called Caring..

4. Boy: My Ex-Girlfriend’s Status On Facebook Says:
“Standing On The Edge of A Bridge…”

Friend: So What Did You Comment?

Boy: Nothing, I Just Poked Her


5. Why are people still getting married?

Stats say that 3 out of 4 marriage’s end in divorce!
If 3 out of 4 parachutes failed to open, would you go sky diving?

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6. A superb line written on a hospital board:-
If you still want to continue Looking @ girls, Even after your death DONATE YOUR #EYES.

7. A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary,and his
wife didnt speak to him for 6 months, but why ..?
.
.
That was the deal..!!

8. Wife: Dear….. this computer is not working as per my command
.
.
.
Husband : Exactly darling…..its a computer not a husband!

9. My wife says I never help with the laundry. What’s she talking about?
Those clothes didn’t dirty by themselves you know.

10. If girls were as nice to each other in real life as they are in Facebook comments,
think how different the world would be..

11. If a police officer ever asks you where you were between 4-6,
you should say kindergarten.

12. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.

13. Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

14. I was so drunk last night.
I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and I won the dance contest.

15. When I die I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did in his sleep

– not screaming like the passengers in his car….

16. Husband asks Wife: What would u do if I win a lottery?
Wife: I’d take half, then leave u 4ever!
Husband: Excellent, I won $50. Here’s $25,Now GET LOST.

17. Once a boy Uploaded a photo holding a dog on Facebook.. .
Girl commented : “Which one is you?”
Boy replied : “The One holding you..”

18. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

19. I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad.
Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

20. Announcement In University:
“The Students Who Have Parked Their Cars On The Driveway, Please Move Them”
Another Announcement After 20 Minutes:
“The 200 Students Who Went To Move 9 Cars Please Return To Their Respective Classes”

If you know any other Funny Quotes put in Comment section

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