Men will be Men

Man while travelling

A man was traveling with his family in the train. The train was fully rushed. A girl was standing in the train. She hugs the man suddenly and asks “How are you, baby”? The man was totally dumbstruck. What to do or not?
As his wife was standing just right in front of him,so he pushes away the girl and scolded the girl for her deeds.
Meanwhile, he secretly handed over a piece of paper to the girl.

There was this written on the piece of paper:-

I am very sorry to scold you. She was my wife. Call me on 9876543210.

Once a Man always A Man.

Men Going on Tour

Once, a group of men decided to go for “Tirth Yatra”. Their guide explained to them that they might see some pretty ladies on the way and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say “HARI OM” and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- “HARI OM”

The rest of them started looking around and shouted – “WHERE WHERE”!…

The reason why Men are not allowed to give advice in Love-Columns of Magazines:

Hi!

I’m a lady aged 26 married & have one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about 2 km from home and my car engine started to overheat so I turned back to get the other car. When I got home I found my husband romancing our maid…!!!
I don’t know what to do now. Please help.

Neha

Reply by Male Columnist:

Dear Neha,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburetor. You need to check your oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future.

Hope this helps…!

Men will be men

Confession of IT Support Engineer:

One day I was facing some issue with Outlook and I raised a ticket to get it resolved. I got a call from the Service Desk lady after some time and it went this way:

Lady: Hi I’m calling from service desk, what is the problem?

Me: (I explained the problem).

Lady: Can you please share your screen and give me the control so that I can solve the issue?

Me: (I shared the screen and gave the control. She solved it!!)

Lady: You may close the ticket from your end, the issue is solved.

Me: Thank you very much, I will close the ticket.

I opened her profile in lync and had a look at her profile. The display pic looked small in size. I instantly messaged her Employee ID to my colleague and asked him to have a look at her. He replied “She looks good in some angles”.

I tried searching her FB profile with the help of her name, but there were too many results.

I started searching on Linked In instead, and I found her profile this time. I was trying to enlarge the profile pic and suddenly a message popped up – it says

“I’ll share my better picture with you on your outlook ID but you may please stop sharing your screen??”

3 young Ladies proposed a MAN..

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He had to choose one of them.
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He tested by giving them Rs.5000 each 2 spend
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First one bought make up stuff new dresses & said she wanted to look good for him..

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Second one got him few expensive shirts & ties and perfumes and said she wanted him to look good..

Third one invested the money, Got profit and returned him original amount,

saying that she saved the rest for their future..

Finally MAN decided to marry
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The first women because..
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She was looking damn beautiful 😀 — Men Will Be Men

Two married elder couple went for a trip to Bengaluru to meet his son working there, after the trip was over and they were back to home.

Then this happened between the husband and his friend, How was the honeymoon?

Men will be men no matter whatsoever the age is.

A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife:

Husband : – I lost my wife, she went shopping hasn’t come back yet.

Inspector : -What is her height?

Husband : – Average, I guess.

Inspector : – Slim or healthy?.

Husband : – Not slim, but probably healthy.

Inspector : – Color of eyes?

Husband : – Never noticed.

Inspector : – Color of hair?

Husband : – Changes according to season.

Inspector : – What was she wearing?

Husband : – Not sure, either a dress or a suit.

Inspector : – Was she driving?

Husband : – Yes.

Inspector : – Color of the car?

Husband : – Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.

… and then the husband started crying…

Inspector: -Don’t worry sir. We will find your car.

Lady: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Lady: How many packs a day?
Guy: 3 packs.
Lady: How much per pack?
Guy: $10.00 per pack.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Guy: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a day which puts your spending per month at $900. In 1 year, it would have been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: If 1 year you spend $10,800, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending total at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Correct.
Lady: Do you know if you hadn’t smoke, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Oh. Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Guy: Then where’s your fucking Ferrari?

Well played my man, well played.

Two men discussing at a Railway station.

Man 1: Why are you tense?

Man 2: I lost my wife here.

Man 1: Oh God, even I missed my wife. I am searching for her too.

Man 2: What is the identification for your wife?

Man 1: Well, she is pretty lean. Fair with long hair. Has brown eyes. Was wearing a pink saree. How about the identification for your wife?

Man 2: Abey, leave her. Come on, let’s search your wife.

Part 2 Of Men will be Men will posted soon, keep watching this space.

Above Men will be men jokes are collected from various source like messages, social medial and etc.,

The post Men will be Men – Funny Jokes – Part 1 appeared first on TechAccent.

Men will be Men – Part 2

Men will be Men while shopping

A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas.
The husband wandered off as she was standing in the line, saying something about being back in a little bit. After getting through the line, the husband wasn’t back yet and since they still had more shopping to do, the wife called him on the mobile.
The wife said, “where are you?”

He said: “You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I couldn’t afford it at that time, and I said that one day I would get it for you.”
Tears started to flow down her cheeks and she got all choked up. “Yes, I do remember that shop.”, she replied.
“I am in the bar next to that.”

Men will be Men!!

Never argue with Men – 
A bull is “servicing” the cows.
Lady asks manager, “How many times can this bull have s3x?”
Manager replies, 5 to 6 times in a day. Lady looks at husband, “You see?”

Husband asks manager, “Is it the same cow every time?”
No sir it’s a different cow every time.
Man looks back to wife – “You see?”

During Conference Calls in Office

Caller 1: Hi, this is Vijay from Windows Team.

*Silence* All

waiting others to Join*

Caller 2:

Hi, this is Ajay from Backup & Storage Team.

*Silence* All waiting others to Join*

Caller 3:

Hi,its Vicky from Unix Team

*Silence* All waiting others to Join*

Caller 4:

Hello, Kuldeep from Management.

*Silence* All waiting others to Join*

Caller 5:

Hi, this is Neha from Application Team.

All:

Hi Neha!

Hi Neha!

Hello Neha!!

Hi Neha thanks for joining!!!

If a man is allowed to

select a girl from 90 girls
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and
Even if he analyse a lot and the most beautiful is picked,

There’s still the pain of losing

the remaining EIGHTY NINE… !

How many of you will accept this when you are put into this situation.

Men will be men…

Man with a missed call

Guy 1: Hi

Guy 2: Who is this?

Guy 1: You were the one who sent me a message first. What’s your name?

Guy 2: Bye! Wrong number!

Guy 1: But tell me your name first!

Guy 2: I’m a guy! Go to sleep!

Guy 1: Oh all right! (Thumbs up!)

Check out this space for the 3rd part of Men will be Men Jokes! Have Fun!

You can share a Men will be Men incidents to menwillbemen@techaccent.com or @ https://twitter.com/itechaccent

The post Men will be Men – Part 2 Jokes, Funny Conversations appeared first on TechAccent.

Boys will be Boys

A man stood outside his house after a bitter divorce and noticed a crate of beer bottles.
He took out an empty bottle and smashed it onto the wall swearing “You are the reason I don’t have a wife”.
He smashed the second bottle, “You are the reason I don’t have children”
He smashed the third bottle, “You are the reason I don’t have a job”.
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still SEALED and filled with beer. He said to the bottle,
“YOU STAND ASIDE, I KNOW YOU WERE NOT INVOLVED”.
Boys will be Boys 🙂

Men will be men

A girl at bus stop spotted a handsome man and without hesitation she said “I love you”.

Man placed his hand on her head, “This love and infatuation all are nothing, Go back to your home and study hard so that you can lead a successful life.”  Man then placed a piece of paper in her hand, “I have written some wisdom for you, read before you sleep tonight” and went away.

Girl went back to hostel with tears and before sleep, she opens the paper.

“Are you blind? My wife was standing right behind me, anyways this is my number, call me anytime, by the way I love you too”.

Men will be men.

One day, while sitting in a restaurant and having coffee,
one friend asked the other: “how is your relationship with that new girlfriend going?”

A : I forgot to mention, yesterday she came to my house.

B : WOW!!! What happened then? Tell me the full story.

A : Well, I played her favorite music and we danced.

B : Then what happened??

A : As we were dancing together, we kissed…

B : Then what? Keep going!

A : I picked her up in my arms and sat her on the table next to my new laptop…

B : You got a New Laptop? When???

A : Just last week. My parents gifted me one…

B : Wow!! What configuration??

A : 500GB harddisk, 8 GB ram. 2.3GHz processor…

B : Does it have an HDMI port?

A : Yes.

B : A blu-ray burner?

A : Yes.

B : AWESOME DUDE!!!

A man takes his seat at a FIFA World Cup Final.

He looks to his left & notices that there is a spare seat betwen himself and the next guy.

MAN: “Who would ever miss the FIFA world cup final?”

GUY: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

MAN: “Oh… that’s terrible, and very sweet of you to have her here symbolically by having a vacant seat. But these are expensive tickets; couldn’t you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?”

GUY: “No…they are all currently at her funeral!”

The post Men will be Men – Part 3 Jokes, Funny Incidents appeared first on TechAccent.